i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
