Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
