The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
