You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
