dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Oh god it's open bar.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
