i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
