The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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