You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize