So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
