I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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