I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
