What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
