It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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