I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I faked an abortion last night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
