Kiss
Puke
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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