Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
