Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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