The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
