dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
