hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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