God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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