broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
