Please, let me fuck your mom
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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