if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
being pregnant is like rehab
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
