We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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