1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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