Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
