Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
