can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
