yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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