ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
