i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I still have a little drunk in my system
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
