i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
