And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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