haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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