We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
