i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
