honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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