I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
