i already hear my dad disowning me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
