My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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