It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
