HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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