I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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