just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm drive I can fine osifer
thus making me awesome and them whores
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
