Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
