I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I supernannyed him into submission
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
