It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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