Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
