I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
