Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
