Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
