Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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