Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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