So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
