I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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