found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize