You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
