I think i peed on brittanys purse
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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