Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
