haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
