taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize