I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
