She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
