i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i believe in u and ur pee
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
