I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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