you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
