And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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