There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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