Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
