Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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