Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
