the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
