He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
