Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
