Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
