the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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