so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize