Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
