She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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