sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
