she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
