there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
